I hate the Super Bowl. I hate football. Why do people watch it? You know what is really awful about football? If your answer was "no," you're just kidding yourself... You do.
The problem with football is the way people react to it. They jump up and down. They shout. They act as though there is even a shred of meaning to it. If the Seahawks win (and I only know it's the Seahawks because I am on contract in Seattle) what happens? What if they lose? I suppose those who have money riding on it have something to cheer about, but otherwise: what the hell? Nobody lives or dies because of it. Nothing important happens. Another stupid little record goes into the "Winners of the Super Bowl" table in all of these troglodytes' heads. That's it.
That's why I'm proposing the "Sterilization for Sports" program. Under this bold new legislation, Ticketmaster would be moved into the public sector. In order to purchase a ticket to a sporting event, one must show proof of sterilization. In order to redeem said ticket, one must, again, show proof that they cannot breed. If someone that is capable of reproduction shows up with a ticket, the government will offer to neuter or spay him or (not as likely) her for free.
Stay tuned for more of my brave new eugenics programs.
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